Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /homepages/11/d659860083/htdocs/clickandbuilds/BeMuseMeMAG/wp-content/plugins/user-specific-content/User-Specific-Content.php on line 373

Warning: preg_match_all(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /homepages/11/d659860083/htdocs/clickandbuilds/BeMuseMeMAG/wp-content/plugins/pinterest-pin-it-button/includes/simple_html_dom.php on line 684

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /homepages/11/d659860083/htdocs/clickandbuilds/BeMuseMeMAG/wp-content/plugins/pinterest-pin-it-button/includes/simple_html_dom.php on line 691

Warning: preg_match_all(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /homepages/11/d659860083/htdocs/clickandbuilds/BeMuseMeMAG/wp-content/plugins/pinterest-pin-it-button/includes/simple_html_dom.php on line 684

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /homepages/11/d659860083/htdocs/clickandbuilds/BeMuseMeMAG/wp-content/plugins/pinterest-pin-it-button/includes/simple_html_dom.php on line 691

I’m quite demoralized at the moment. My laptop next to my bed is little more than an expensive six pound paperweight. Since 90% of my disability pension goes towards nursing home room and board, I have a better chance of flying out of my wheelchair than getting it fixed. So I  have the nursing home computer:no privacy I can only spend so much time on it, due to rules and severe chronic pain.

In half an hour, the nurse will come to put me to bed, where my 97-year-old room-mate may or may not spend hours screaming (they will not get me up at that point, naturally, nor do anything about the screaming.). A staff member told me early on that they needed regular days off. They said nothing about the people paying $800 a month at least to live here in what is little more than what looks like   Dante’s Inferno, a modern-day dungeon for sick, elderly and disabled people.

The “home” I am in now is a very nice dungeon I must say. But few visitors come here. I call this place “my office” on good days. To call this place “home” would be to strip the last ounce of hope from me.

My parents always threatened to put me in a place like this if I didn’t fly right. The only crime I can see I committed at age 40 was that I became severely mentally ill and homeless, while happening to have cerebral palsy. I signed myself into a nursing home because I thought my cats and myself were going to get tortured. (I was hallucinating at the time;more on this later)

For most people, this would lead to life on the streets. I would prefer life on the streets to my current situation. Every emotional trigger for me is present:

Segregated away from “normal” people? Check! (They even lock the doors to protect “wanderers”, but it makes everyone else feel like convicts.)
Living with people with problem behaviors? Check!
Having nurses chart MY behaviors as if I were a psychiatric patient, instead of a tenant in an apartment building? Check!

I have told the doctor here that I fear for what is left of my sanity should I stay here another year. I have another five years to go on a waiting list for 24 hour attendant care. This assumes that I can afford to buy furniture and a lifting machine, both highly unlikely in my current situation. I am on so much pain and depression medication combined that taking an over-the-counter flu medication would make me stop breathing.

One more thing, my depression is quite severe. If the management can direct me how to turn off the comments, I would appreciate it. Comments from the Internet peanut gallery can get vicious and I am in NO condition to play referee.